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Giving myself a break

It was a bit slow going for me last week, which I am choosing not to stress about because of how full my social calendar was at the time.

I had started out with the idea of writing a short film script for the 10 by 10 Short Script Challenge from Stranger with My Face. They sent an email with a prompt and participants had ten days to write the script. A few wriggles of ideas were noodling around my head, but nothing came together, so I just let it go. There’s always next year.

After skipping the problem with Chapter One, I managed to half of Chapter Two down and into the writing gang, who seemed to enjoy it. Chapter Two is working better for me all around, so I’m just going to move on from there.

Nothing much else got done, as the rest of my time was taken up with movie watching and being lazy.

Since I’m going to be traveling at the end of this week through next week, and will need to run errands and prep for that, I’m going to go easy on myself and keep my to-do list brief.

Things to do in the coming week:
– Complete Chapter two of novel
– Walk/Run at least three days at least 2 miles each day (0/3)
– Contact my sisters accountant to find out about setting up an IRA
– Get title transferred on my new car (I don’t know why I keep forgetting to do this)
– Get California taxes in for 2011, so I can start in on Cal and Fedral for 2012 next week

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The Replacement, by Brenna Yovanoff

The ReplacementMackie is a changeling, a fairy child left as a replacement for a human one. Instead of dying as such a child is expected to do, he survived by making himself invisible and avoiding contact with iron that infuses just about everything, from steel to human blood. All he wants is to be human, to fit in with the people of Gentry, but when a little girl goes missing, he finds himself journeying into the town’s underworld to meet the creatures that once abandoned him.

I fell for this book as soon as I saw it’s uber-creepy book cover, featuring a litany of knifes, scissors, and horseshoes dangling precariously over a child’s carriage.

I loved it even more when I found out the purpose of those dangerous objects is to protect rather than harm, each of them made with iron to save the child from being taken — which is a perfect reflection of the world that lies within this books pages. What at first appears ugly and dangerous may turn out to be good and kind. What appears beautiful may be deadly. And I love that reversal of expectations.

I love that Mackie is a member of the family, even though his mom, dad, and sister know he is not the same human boy who was robbed from the crib that night. They know, and yet he is accepted and loved. They do all they can to accommodate his disabilities (removing all the iron they can from the house, building an unconsecrated part of church so he can go to Sunday school) and protect him from the potential malice of the town (which refuses to admit the existence strange creatures, even though deep down they know).

Mackie, for all this love, is lost and lonely. Though he has friends and family who care for him, he casts himself as an outsider, feeling that often come up for adopted children in general. When Tate comes after him for answers, for someone anyone to listen to her about her sister, he tries to avoid her in an effort to protect himself, but finds himself unable to pretend that he doesn’t care.

There is a general creepiness and sense of unease that fits perfectly with the book cover, and the hairs on my arms are standing up right now — partly from the creep factor, partly from delight — even as I think about it. If it’s half as good as this one, then I can’t wait to read another Brenna Yovanoff book.

[Cross-posted to my livejournal. You are welcome to comment either here or there.]
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Feeling good about life

My biggest accomplishment of last week was getting the poetry manuscript out, which also happens to be my main goals for the year. I’m feeling quite good about that.

Did two days of exercise last week, neither of which included actual running, but I still felt good. I’ve also made it up some today, by walking over four miles today with some running intervals in the last two miles. So, I’m feeling great today.

The financial stuff was put aside last week, and getting that done, in combination with trying to get a short script written at the last minute, will be a priority for this week.

Things to do in the coming week:
– Write and submit horror script for 10 by 10 Short Script Challenge
– Rewrite Chapter One/Write Chapter Two of Novel
– Walk/Run at least three days this week & at least 2 miles each day (1/3)
– Do yoga (three sun salutations minimum) each morning before work (0/5)
– Contact my sisters accountant to find out about setting up an IRA
– Get info and such together to send taxes in.
– Get title transferred on my new car
– Either purchase new a new filing cabinet(s), and/or buy folders/large envelopes, and/or go through the process of sorting and putting everything in its place.
– Contact Apple store or computer guys and get data transferred from the old computer to the new one (may require giving up my computer for a few days) – May hold off on this till next week, which seems to be my ongoing motto here. *sigh*

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The Pleasure of Wincing

I’m not entirely sure how By forgoing television, reading, and sleep, I managed to put together an 18 page chapbook submission, including the writing and rewriting of two poems from scratch, in less than two days. The package has been mailed out (and should be postmarked) on the very last day to submit. I have no idea what’s going to happen with the chapbook. It’s off and out of my control at this point.*

The most time consuming aspect of this was the selection of poem (of which I have many). When I read poetry collections, I appreciate when they have a kind of cohesion; they fit together, either thematically or stylistically. But when I look at my own poems, I feel like they don’t fit together well, like they don’t have that cohesion. I can take an individual poem I’ve written and feel rather confident about it, but when I try to pull them together into a collection all my confidence falls apart and it seems like one hot mess. It’s kind of can’t see the forest for the trees kind of thing, I guess. I can’t see the whole for the individual poems. It was like I lost all ability to assess my own work, but I struggled through it.

Part of the compilation process involved searching through old binders to find poems not in digital format. It was a wonder to see stuff I’d written in 1999 and earlier. I was so much younger then.

In his poem “Scotch Tape Body,” Ron Padget has a really great way of looking at old work and the kind of joyful/painful nostalgia that occurs. He describes looking at old poems he’d written and taped into notebook, and wonders briefly if it would have been better if he had never written the poems at all, but realizes that without those poems, he would be denied, “the pleasure of wincing / then forgiving myself / of catching glimpses of who I was / of who I thought I was.”

All the poems I wrote then got me to where I am now, and the poems I write today will get me to what I write tomorrow. It’s an evolution. So, I guess I shouldn’t kick myself or let myself doubt my current project either; I shouldn’t avoid writing out of fear of failing (which happens sometimes). If I did, I’d be denying myself the pleasure of future wincing when I look back on today.

How do you feel when looking on past projects, art, writing? Got any projects you’ve recently completed that you’re both nervous and excited about?

*I find that to be a powerful thing, to learn what you have control over and what you do not. If you do everything you can in regards to the things you do have control over, you can let go and offer up the things you don’t have control over (like whether an editor will like and accept your poetry submission).

[Cross-posted to my livejournal. You are welcome to comment either here or there.]